Avenue Toon
by otherrealmwriter
Summary: A parody of Avenue Q. Dib a recent college graduate looks for a purpose Itachi wants to fufill his dreams while his fiance Gaz just wants a client. Danny Fenton is the Superintendant of Avenue Toon. Written as the story to the songs. Rather high T on some
1. Avenue Toon Playbill

I do not own the characters or Avenue Q okay?

In a random city in a random unnamed place on the big globe circling a cold and indifferent sun, lives a little avenue. Avenue Toon, a place where rent is cheap and the friendships are deep. A place where life is real, you miss payments you lose your job and can't hope to find a new one any time soon. A place where it sucks to be you and the internet is for porn and yes, there is life outside your apartment. While it is not the most glamorous place to live in the city of the cartoons, it is still a roof over your head. After all we're all together here on Avenue Toon.

Here are the cast members of this little production along with the Avenue Q characters they play:

Dib will play Princeton. Dib is a recent graduate of college with a BA in paranormal investigation specializing in ufology and cryptozoology (and yes those are real) He is looking for a place to live with little money to his name.

Itachi Uchiha will play Brian. Itachi is left without a job or any real way to get by after the Akatsuki disbands. Unemployed he lives on Avenue Toon with his fiancé Gaz. He has a desire that is very unbecoming of an Uchiha but still desires his old Akatsuki days.

Gaz will play Christmas Eve. She is Itachi's fiancé and a therapist with a little bit of an anger problem that she has when Itachi messes up or she loses a client or she finds that Itachi still hasn't found a job after the Akatsuki.

Tak will play Kate Monster. Tak is a kindergarten assistant teacher who is still looking to be an Invader but mainly focuses on her teaching. She wants to open up a special school for aliens but has no funds to do so with. Dib has a slight crush on her.

Deidara will play Rod. He is a pyrotechnics technician after the Akatsuki disbanded who lives with his former Akatsuki teammate Tobi. The residents think he has some thing to hide and can be a tight wad and a prick at times.

Tobi will play Nicky. Deidara's roommate who annoys him to no end. He has no real job but Deidara grudgingly allows him to stay with them.

Zim will play Trekkie Monster. He is addicted to porn and trying to take over the world and is very obnoxious.

Danny (Fenton) Phantom will play Gary Coleman. A wash up from his former superhero days, he is now broke and the superintendant of Avenue Toon. Runs the place with a wish to be back to what he was but is no longer able to achieve.

There is the main cast and the others will be introduced as they come in. Remember to review and keep an eye out for the next chapter. It will be up soon.


	2. It Sucks To Be Me

I don't own the character or Avenue Q okay?

Dib walked along in the city he lived in. Having just graduated college with a BA in the paranormal investigation, he needed to find a place to live. However with the little money he had after being cut off from his father Professor Membrane after graduating college, the search for a place to live was becoming exceptionally long. Currently Dib was in between minimum wage jobs. He had just quit a job at a McMeaties and now was hired at a Sprawl Mart to earn some money but it wasn't enough.

"What do you do with a BA in paranormal investigation? What is my life going to be?" Dib asked himself as he sat on the edge of the street waiting for a bus to show up to take him to the next place where he needed to go to find a place to live. This bus was going to head to the next avenue, Avenue Animados to find a place to live. A cup from the Krusty Burger blew by and he sighed as he stepped on the bus. "4 years of college and plenty of knowledge earned me this degree and it has proven to be pretty useless. Maybe Dad was right."

Dib had no luck finding an apartment he could afford on Avenue Animados so he went to his mailbox to check his mail. All it was was bill after bill after bill that he could simply not pay on his own. To pay them he often had to borrow money from the friends he lived with at the time. They would take him in and let him stay with them, often sleeping on their couch. He opened the door to his friend DD's apartment and looked at his cell phone bill. _Damn that's a lot_ "DD can I borrow 50?" Dib asked.

"No. You haven't paid me back the other 50 you owe me. Why can't you pay your own bill?" DD asked looking up from his copy of Popular Science.

"No! I can't pay my bills yet because I have no skills yet! No one will hire a fresh out of college paranormal investigator." Dib yelled back at DD. "The world is a big scary place"

"Sure is." DD said returning to his copy of Popular Science.

"But I can't shake this feeling that I might make a difference to the human race!" Dib said with a smile on his face.

"Yeah Bighead you sure will." DD laughed slightly at Dib's behavior.

"Shut up Sockhead." Dib snapped back at DD.

(_Page Break to Avenue Toon)_

Itachi was walking out of his apartment he shared with his fiancé with a trash bag in his hand. He sighed and looked around. The Akatsuki had disbanded leaving Itachi without a job at all. He and Gaz were now in a finical burden. She had just started her career and was having not too much luck at all with it. No jobs were available for her to take. They were able to make a decent living off of Itachi's Akatsuki funds given to him but now that it had disbanded he was essentially unemployed. As soon as he placed the trash into the bin, Tak came by and waved at him. She was an assistant kindergarten teacher under Miss Bitters.

"Morning Itachi!" Tak said waving to Itachi.

"Morning Tak." Itachi said back looking away from the feeling of inadequacy.

"How's life?" Tak asked when she saw his look.

"Disappointing." Itachi said depressed.

"Why's that? What's the matter?" Tak asked with concern.

"The Akatsuki just disbanded." Itachi said as the wind blew his hair into his pretty-boy face.

"I'm sorry." Tak said. She could sympathize with Itachi and knew what it was like to lose your dreams. It had happened to her before. Back when she was going to take her test to be an Invader, Zim destroyed the powerblock for half of the planet of Devastis and she lost her chance. She could perfectly understand why Itachi was feeling bad about the Akatsuki disbanding.

"Me too! It's been 10 years since the jinuurikki quests the leader put us, the Akatsuki, on and I always thought that by now I'd…… this sounds foolish." Itachi sighed.

"I won't laugh." Tak reassured him.

"Well when I was younger ….I wanted to be a big ummm…..comedian on late night TV. It is very unbecoming of an Uchiha. Now I'm 32 and as you can see, I'm not. But don't get me wrong, being in the Akatsuki was the best thing to ever happen to me aside from meeting my lovely fiancé Gaz. Still. It sucks to be me."

"No." Tak said trying to reassure Itachi

"It sucks to be me. It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning 33!" Itachi said with despair in his voice.

"No," Tak said. "You think your life sucks? Your problems aren't so bad. I mean I'm kind of pretty and pretty damn smart." Tak said with a wink. Itachi would be nice to go out with if he wasn't already pledged to Gaz.

"You sure are Tak." Itachi said.

"Thanks. I also like romantic things like music and art. And I have a gigantic heart so why don't I have a boyfriend!? Fuck! It sucks to be me!" Tak said as she kicked the trash can nearby.

"Me too! It sucks to be Itachi!" Itachi yelled feeling little sympathy to Tak's problems. Then again he was engaged and didn't care too much.

"And Tak!" Tak yelled back to him.

"It sucks to not have a job!" Itachi said.

"No to not have a date!" Tak yelled back. While they were arguing Tobi and Deidara were walking by arguing. This time it was over the time when Tobi came home. Tobi had arrived later than Deidara 

expected and was being real stiff about it. Every one of Tobi's actions annoyed Deidara. "Can you settle something for us Tobi, Deidara? Whose life sucks more, Itachi's or mine?"

Tobi and Deidara looked at each other and nodded, "Ours."

"We live together unnnn" Deidara said. "We're as close as people can get."

"We've been the best of buddies ever since the day we met!" Tobi said in his usual way as he hugged Deidara. "I love you sempai!"

"So obviously this idiot knows every way to make me really upset!" Deidara yelled. "Everyday with Tobi is a hell!"

"You're exaggerating sempai!" Tobi cried at Deidara's words. _If anything I'm under-exaggerating…_Deidara rolled his eyes at Tobi.

"Tobi, you leave your clothes out and you put your feet on my favorite chair!" Deidara said annoyed. He hated how Tobi acted.

"You sempai, you do such anal things like ironing your underwear sempai!" Tobi yelled because he was annoyed at Deidara's constant complaints.

"Well Tobi you make that very small apartment we share a hell! Deidara yelled making a bomb out of his exploding clay. He had taken up pyrotechnic engineering and art after the Akatsuki disbanded and Tobi, the blissful idiot he was just went along.

"Well you do too sempai! That's why I'm in hell too!" Tobi yelled back.

Deidara just sighed and rolled his eyes, "It sucks to be me unnnn…" Deidara sighed as he let the clay bomb explode. Tobi, Itachi and Tak looked on and then looked at each other.

"No sempai, it sucks to be Tobi!" Tobi said but Tak didn't think that their problems were big, nor did Itachi.

"It sucks to be me!" Tak said while Itachi also said, "It sucks to be me!" This caused Tak to perk up from her moap and then look around at everyone. She cracked a smile.

"What's so funny Tak?" Deidara asked.

"Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?" She laughed as she looked around Avenue Toon. Tobi, Itachi and Deidara all looked at Tak then looked at each other. It was silent for a little bit but as the sun broke out, they all laughed at each other. The light shone in on Gaz's face at the same time. She peeked one eye open to hopefully see the man she loved but she saw his side of the bed messed up and the Akatsuki cloak he wore the night before that Gaz loved to see Itachi in folded up neatly by the bed. _Itachi must be up now. Might as well get up myself._ Gaz was taking a shower when the battle over whose life sucked more began. Once she was dressed she heard the laughing and went downstairs to the outside passing her master's degrees.

"Why are you all so happy?" Gaz asked with her arms crossed

"Because our lives suck Gaz-sempai! Itachi says you're well!" Tobi said hugging Gaz as she pushed him off with a scowl.

"Your lives suck? Am I hearing you correctly? Ha!" Gaz said with an evil sarcastic laugh. "I came to this city for opportunities. I tried to work in a Hibachi Grill but I am not Japanese. Yet with hard work I earned 2 degrees in social work, and now I'm a therapist!"

"Gaz, a therapist? Is this right Itachi?" Tak asked as he nodded.

"And yet I have no clients. Also I have an unemployed fiancé, and we have lots of bills to pay." Gaz said as she walked up to Itachi and punched him in the stomach. "It sucks to be me!" However many on the Avenue would beg to differ as she was marrying an Uchiha.

During this conversation the bus that Dib was riding in pulled up to Avenue Toon. He got out and took a look around nervously. This was a new place with new people, but the neighborhood looked cheap and affordable and wasn't a crime infested place like Avenue Misdaad. He saw Itachi, Gaz, Tobi and Deidara out front talking about their sucky lives. "Hey guys, I'm looking for a place to live…." He said embarrassed and shy about this hunt. He was half expecting to not be able to find a place to live at all and then DD would kick him out and he would have to go to another friend's place or live in a box in Middle Park.

"Why are you looking all the way out here?" Gaz asked. Ever since their falling out, she never acknowledged him as her brother.

"Well I started in Avenue Anime but so far everything's out of my price range. Oh, but this place looks a lot cheaper. Oh and a for rent sign!" Dib said as a smile came across his face at the sign and hope came over him.

"You need to talk to the superintendant. I will fetch him for you. Yo Danny!" Itachi called up to the highest apartment.

"I'm coming Uchiha; no need to use your Mangeku Sharingan on me!" Danny Fenton yelled as he flew downstairs.

"My word, you're Danny Phantom!" Dib said. "I can prove ghosts exist using you!"

"Yeah…" Danny said raising an eyebrow. "Yes I am. I'm Danny Phantom aka Fenton from Amity Park. I used to be a renowned superhero until one day I had a horrible accident and had to leave Amity Park for good. Now I'm broke and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes, more jokes than the box ghost even. But I'm here, the superintendant of Avenue Toon!" Danny said spreading his arms out wide.

"It sucks to be you!" Dib said with a smile on his face and a giggle that caused Danny to tap his foot up and down. Tak, who knew Danny's story well but still found it funny, was laughing at him crouching down holding her stomach.

"You win Danny! There is nobody's life that sucks as much as that!" Tak laughed.

"I feel so much better now!" Itachi said happily but it was only detectable by Gaz who was the only one who could tell Itachi's happiness like Itachi was the only one that could see into Gaz's emotions. They were 2 people never expected to fall in love at all but they found each other.

"Try having people come up to you and say: 'I'm going ghost!' it gets old." Danny said annoyed at his life.

"Sucks to be you on Avenue Toon!" Tobi said as he saw a top hat and cane that was thrown out by Deidara from an old costume party and he pulled it out and put it on. Then he started to dance like a Broadway dancer and sang. Danny then went after Tobi with a murderous rage, causing Dib to look on confused. Tak just sighed and gave him a 'you'll get used to this' look.

"Anyway Dib, here's you keys." Danny said giving him the key to the vacant apartment. "And don't be surprised to hear Zim singing 'Dude looks like a lady' to annoy Deidara or his porn addiction."

"Well welcome to Avenue Toon Dib!" Tak smiled and waved as she left.


	3. If You Were Gay

I don't own Avenue Q or Deidara and Tobi, seeing as they are the main characters in this, okay?

Tobi was coming home from Middle Park on the subway. He had shown Dib around the park as a way to introduce him to the neighborhood. Dib was being polite to go along with him, but much to his annoyance, he went along. After awhile, Dib ditched Tobi after his incessant talking. Tobi didn't seem to care a lot due to his love of being in the park. Walking by a Ramen Stand in the park by the lake, he bought himself some ramen along with a Poop cola. They didn't have his favorite brand, Buzz Cola. He sat in the park blissfully slurping his ramen watching the birds and ducks go by. Once he ate his food he left the park neatly disposing of his ramen bowl and Poop Cola can.

Tobi then went to the subway hoping to see Dib again but he didn't see his "Funny Hair-Sempai" anywhere. Just to be sure, he looked around the station again but didn't see Dib's big head or pointy hair anywhere. He paid the faire to get on the subway and as it rolled along, he looked for a seat. The one he chose was across from Waylon Smithers. Tobi saw Smithers and waved at him in greetings. Tobi was very congenial at people he just met.

"Hi!" Smithers said waving to Tobi with a slight smile. He put down the magazine he was reading and looked directly at Tobi. "My name is Waylon Smithers, what's your name?"

"Oh hi Mister! My name is Tobi, my new sempai!" Tobi said waving at Smithers. "Tobi is a good boy! How are you today?"

"Oh you made my day a whole lot better Tobi." Smithers said winking at Tobi like a playful schoolgirl. Smithers had been rejected and wanted to find someone that he could really get along with. He was looking for a new love and hoped Tobi would be one. Tobi seemed nice and friendly and with his mask on Smithers found him to be very mysterious and that was quite a turn on. Hoping to see what was under the mask, Smithers decided to try and pick up Tobi.

"That's cool Sempai! It's good to have a good day!" Tobi laughed with a smile no one could see while he hugged Smithers.

Smithers then smiled and turned to Tobi, "Why do you call everyone 'sempai'?" he asked in a coquettish flirt.

"That's what I call my friends and everyone is my friend! You are my friend Waylon –san!" Tobi said to Smithers.

"Wow. You think of me as a friend? That's real nice Tobi or should I say sempai!" Smithers said as he put his hand on Tobi's shoulder. "Nice cloak you have there. Is it made by Prada?"

"No silly, this is an Akatsuki cloak!" Tobi said to Smithers. He didn't quite understand what Smithers was meaning or what he wanted but he was really neat. Then it hit him: _Waylon-san is coming on to me. Oh my! How silly of him! I'm not gay! _"I wore this when I was in the Akatsuki with some of my other friends when I was in their group. Some of my best friends were in there, Itachi-san, Zetsu-san and my roommate, Deidara-sempai!" Tobi said not replying to Smithers's exact questions but he still liked talking to someone who didn't tell him to shut up.

"Yeah, I'm sure he would." Smithers nodded.

_(Page Break to Tobi and Deidara's apartment on Avenue Toon)_

Meanwhile back in their apartment on Avenue Toon, Deidara was relaxing in peace for having one free day away from Tobi. Those were few and far between and they were Deidara's favorite days in the world. Using the peace and quiet he was able to make himself a fine lunch of sushi and hibachi char broiled chicken with rice and red chili pepper sauce. He sat at the table and took his chopsticks and dipped his chicken in the sauce. He then smiled as he ate the spicy chicken and took a look at the handiwork he had done of the day so far. He had put away all of Tobi's clothes and cloaks he had left out and made the apartment look as clean as it did when they first moved into it. It was such a peaceful day that Deidara decided to go into his room and pull out 3 of his favorite books: Fine Art of Michelangelo, Great Pyrotechnic Work in History, and Broadway Musicals of the 1940's. He leaned back in his chair and started to read. _Good thing I cleaned all the dirt Tobi's feet left here off._

_(Page Break)_

Tobi was now looking out the window of the subway as Smithers finished talking to him. "I'll talk to you later Tobi!" Smithers said with a wave as he left.

"Same here Waylon-san!" Tobi smiled and stepped off. Tobi walked along the city enjoying the sights and weather outside. He then pulled a lollipop out of his pocket and started to suck on it as he walked up to the apartment. Deidara had just finished reading the chapter about the Gunpowder Plot in Great Pyrotechnic Work in History and Fine Art of Michelangelo had extensive reading of David, one of the first nude statues in the Renascence. Broadway Musicals of the 1940's was next and Deidara loved to read about all kinds of art. Whether it is in performance, sculpture, clay work or explosions, art was a bang to him. He needed to find some new way to appreciate it seeing as the Akatsuki disbanded and he could no longer use his art for the missions.

"Ahhhhh. An afternoon alone with my favorite book, Broadway Musicals of the 1940's. No roommate to bother me. How can it get any better than this unnnn?" Deidara said sitting in his favorite and newly cleaned chair and put his socked feet on the ottoman in front of it. He opened the book with a smile and read the first page. Just then the phone rang. "Hello and make it quick unn"

"Foolish Deidara human! Fear my music! _Dude looks like a lady_!" Zim called in a crank call like he did a lot to Deidara. Deidara then hung up the phone and went back to his book fuming a little at Zim's ignorance but once he got reading, his problems went away.

"Idiots. Can they ruin my day any more?" Deidara sighed and then heard Tobi come in. "Just did."

"Hey Deidara-sempai! " Tobi yelled as he came up and hugged Deidara.

"Hello Tobi." Deidara said annoyed and ready to punch Tobi.

"Hey Sempai, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning!" Tobi giggled. "This guy was smiling at me and talking to me……"

"That's very interesting Tobi" Deidara sighed sarcastically.

"He was being really friendly sempai and I think maybe he was coming onto me. I think he might have thought I was gay!" Tobi laughed holding his hand up to where his mouth would be if not for his mask.

"So why are you telling me this unnn. Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?" Deidara said as Tobi was starting to get on his last nerve. _I have a lot of last nerves apparently._

"Oh you don't have to get all defensive about it." Tobi said with a whimper.

"I AM NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!" Deidara yelled in an angry way. Suddenly he realized his anger and how it was affecting his image. He saw himself as a nut and then suddenly regained his composure. "What do I care about some gay guy you met? I'm trying to read."

"I didn't mean anything by it sempai; I just think it's something we should be able to talk about." Tobi said with genuine concern. He had a reason for saying that Deidara would like to meet Smithers.

"Well I do not want to talk about it Tobi, this conversation is over!" Deidara said looking over the pages of his book.

"Yeah but Deidara-sempai…." Tobi pleaded.

"OVER!" Deidara yelled to try and get Tobi to stop talking. It worked for a little bit because Tobi did get quiet from fear but he quickly got over it. He felt that he had to tell Deidara that it was okay and that he had the impression he was gay.

"Okay Deidara-sempai, but just so you know: if you were gay that would be okay." Tobi said hugging Deidara with his usual friendly and childlike manner. Deidara looked up from his books rolling his eyes. "I'd like you anyway. You see if it were me, I'd feel free to say I was gay. But I'm not gay!" Tobi then added with a wink. "It's nothing to be ashamed about sempai!" Deidara was looking on trying to calm himself down. _Think pleasant thoughts Deidara. Killing Tobi for one._

"Tobi please I am trying to read you fool!" Deidara said holding his book above his head ready to beat Tobi's head in with it. Tobi paused in front of him with a sly look that Deidara knew even though the face couldn't be seen. "What?" He asked with a ready to kill attitude.

"Oh Sempai, you're a riot. Deidara-sempai, if you were queer, I'd still be here for you." Tobi continued much to Deidara's annoyance.

"Oh Tobi!" Deidara moaned. "I am trying to read this book!"

"Oh Sempai, I'd be here for you year after year," Tobi said as Deidara moaned, "Tobi" again. "Because you're dear to me. I also know that you would accept me too if I told you today, 'Hey! Guess what! I'm gay!" Tobi said as he hugged Deidara yet again. He then winked again and said, "But I'm not gay."

Deidara moaned again and looked away from his annoying roommate and rubbed his hands together. He knew Tobi to be incessant in his chatter and to never shut up but this was working his last nerves. He hated the last time Tobi went on like this was the time when he blew his arms off. All that day Tobi lectured him on how bad it is to play with fire.

"So you know sempai, I'm happy just being with you." Deidara was trying to keep his ever increasing desire to kill Tobi down but he just couldn't as long as Tobi kept talking and starting to sing. He remembered his old partner Sasori and smiled at the thought, "High button shoes pal Sasori-donna!" Tobi didn't hear this as his voice became more sing-song. "So what should it matter to me, what you do in bed with guys!"

"**TOBI THAT IS GROSS!!" **Deidara yelled in revolution to it. Denial was starting to show in his voice.

"No it's not!" Tobi said as he pulled a hat off the coat rack and danced like a Broadway performer. "If you were gay, I'd shout Hooray!"

"I am not listening!" Deidara yelled covering his ears. "La la la la la la la la"

"And here I'd stay, but I wouldn't get in your way! You can count on me to always be beside you everyday to tell you that it's okay!" Tobi sang into a can of Buzz Cola like a microphone. "You were just born that way Sempai. And as they say, 'It's in your DNA'- You're gay!"

"I AM NOT GAY!" Deidara yelled as he punched Tobi and knocked him to the ground and threw some exploding clay at him.

"If you were gay sempai….." Tobi suggested. He walked off and noticed Deidara's one art book turned to the statue of David, "I'm blushing at the nakedness of this stature, but I'm not looking away!"

"Tobi, I could see that. And you ruined my clean apartment!" Deidara yelled as he got a mop. "This time, you clean this place so it's spotless."

"Awwww Sempai, I love you too." Tobi smiled

"Lord take me now." Deidara said collapsing on his bed.


	4. Purpose

I don't own anything. Some of the characters are from the show Histeria! I have a link to an episode in my profile.

Dib had secured a decent job to make a living off of at the Natural History Museum down town as a tour guide for the visitors who came. _I sure hope I can get somewhere with this job. It had better just be better than Sprawl Mart. McMeaties or Krusty Burger. _The bus opened up to the museum which was suspiciously empty. Something just didn't click in his mind. He brushed off his trench coat and walked inside with a smile.

"Uhhh…. Father Time? Are you here?" Dib asked as his foot steps rang across the hallway. "I'm here for the job interview and training you promised me and told me to show up for."

"Oh Dib it's you!" Father Time, an old man with a long flowing white beard and mustache, said with an awkward look on his face. "I tried to call but I guess you needed to leave your home early. Well we found someone who will attract more people to the museum."

"Who? And they had better be as good as me at guiding tours effectively and answering scientific questions! I am a Membrane you know. The Membrane family is known for its scientific knowledge!" Dib yelled his foot tapping and fist clenched to control his rage.

"Oh here she comes now!" Father Time pointed out. "Miss Information, meet Dib."

"Hi! I'm Miss Information but you can call me…" Miss Information put her finger to her chin.

"Yeah?" Dib prompted

"…Miss Information! It's so nice to meet you and I see you're…" She looked at Dib's hair. "…oh…nice hair I guess."

"Thanks…?" Dib replied.

"Okay people we are coming to a fresco by Rafael. A fresco is a Renaissance soda pop." Miss Information said.

"No! It's a painting on wet plaster!" Dib yelled. ""You're thinking of the soda Fresca!"

"Whatever. How are you supposed to drink that? Whoo-whoo." Miss Information said making a motion to signal Dib as crazy.

"I'm used to being called crazy. Anyway you made a big mistake there Father Time. Why didn't you hire Mr. Smarty-pants at least?" Dib asked exasperated.

"I had my reasons. We will call you id we need someone again. Toast, that burn out kid, may be getting fired from the gift shop here soon if his work doesn't pick up."Father Time suggested.

"What am I going to do?" Dib sighed as he walked out.

"I know what you can do!" a girl named Aka Pella said holding up an egg shaped baby.

"What?" Dib asked.

"Change Big Fat Baby!" She said holding him up. Dib sniffed him and recalled back in revulsion.

"When was the last time this kid had a fresh diaper?!" Dib asked gagging with each word.

"Remember when that UFO crashed at Roswell?" Aka Pella asked.

"July 8th 1947." Dib said annoyed "That is the most well known date in ufology. What is your point?"

"Yeah. He had a diaper change the day before that." Aka smiled.

"EWWWWWWW!" Dib yelled as he ran out of the museum into the street outside. He was ready to throw up and he was looking for a trash can to puke into. _That child needs a diaper change once in a decade at least. Come on for that long! He has to be related to that old Father Time geezer. I lose my job to that blonde ditz who doesn't know what a fresco is!_ He noticed a trash can on a street corner and tried to get to it to relieve him of the nausea. He was about ready to puke when Miss Yukari came driving by in a beat up car that still looked nice and of her home on Avenue Anime. "Yukari gets all the luck and here I am stuck on Avenue Toon with nothing at all to my name." Dib sighed when he lifted his head out of the trash can and a bruise formed from hitting it against the rim.

"Look out!" Miss Yukari yelled as Dib grabbed a hold of a branch and climbing into the tree and puking on Miss Yukari's car. Once everything was clear he climbed out of the tree and sat on the nearby bench and looked around at everyone. They all seemed to have a purpose and a reason to be on this planet. Dib looked as the clouds formed overhead and he started to walk home

"Purpose. It's like that little flame that lights a fire under your ass. Ha!" he said looking at the sky sarcastically. "Purpose. It keeps you going strong like a car with a full tank of gas…if they can ever get full again these days."

Dib walked by the gas station with a price of 3.59 and sighed. Just then Timmy Turner and his wife Tootie walked down the street and planed for the birth of their twins. Timmy had a wife and was expecting a family at the same age Dib was. He had so much to live for while Dib was the same age and he had nothing. Jimmy Newtron paid for his gas to go to the presentation he had to patent his "I can't believe it's not oil."

"Everyone has a purpose, so what's mine?" He sighed and saw a glint of copper of a penny from 1989. "Oh look, here's a penny and it's from the year I was born. It's a sign! Ha!" He walked farther down the street humming to him. "Ba ba ba ba doo doo doo do doo"

The sun then shone brightly now on Dib's face as things picked up for him. "I don't know how I know but I'm going to find my purpose. I got to find out! I don't want to wait! Got to make sure my life will be great!" Dib jumped over a box as the Box Ghost started to follow him. "Got to find my purpose before it's too late!"

"I am the box ghost and that big headed boy is going to find his purpose!" He wailed.

"I'm going to find my purpose! And my head's not big!" Dib turned around and yelled as people started to look at him weird.

"He's going to find his purpose!" The box ghost wailed again.

"Yeah! Yeah yeah, I'm going to find my purpose! It could be far or it could be near. It could take a week or it could take a month or it could take a year." Dib then turned another corner in a look of triumph. _For once in my life things are looking up! I have a reason to awake in the morning. A reason to be and no one will tell me otherwise! I don't know what I am going to do specifically but I am going to find something to do with the paranormal!_

As Dib walked by Ryuk was stirred up from his torpor in a bunch of apples he had secured. "What is going on with that pointy haired kid? He's acting like a nut!"

"More of a nut than you when you are denied apples Ryuk?" The Box Ghost asked with a laugh. "I recall you being something of a nut yourself when it comes to apples. The big head is going to find his purpose is all."

"So the pointy haired kid is going to find his purpose?" Ryuk asked eating an apple.

"Listen Ryuk!" The Box Ghost said showing the Shinigami Dib.

"It could be at a job or while smoking grass! HA!" Dib laughed again at the joke he made himself. "Smoking grass is in all reality a bad idea kiddies!" He laughed when he saw Dora and Diego playing at the end of the street.

"Si Senor!" Dora said walking off. Keef was carrying a box of party supplies that Zim asked him to bring from the store that only adults could go to when he heard Dib.

"Dib smoked grass? That explains the horrible nightmare visions he had!" Keef smiled as Dib rolled his eyes at him.

"I never smoked grass Keef. It is just a saying I heard somewhere. Back to my speech, my purpose could be at a pottery class! Could it be? Something's coming and that something sure is something good! I am going to find my purpose! Yeah!" Dib then continued to walk down the street with a smile and pride happily oblivious to Ryuk and the Box Ghost right behind him.

"You're going to find your purpose big head!" The Box Ghost and Ryuk said while Dib yelled once again his head was not big.

"Anyway, my head is not big so you know, and it is not my fault it is big! I'm going to find it! Only what will it be? Where will it be? My purpose in life is a mystery! I got to find my purpose and I got to find me." Dib then turned the corner to Avenue Toon to find Tak sitting there watching him curiously.

"Uhhhh do you know you have a ghost and a death god following you right?" Tak asked. "And why are you so happy? Your life sucks like mine does?"

"He's going to find his purpose Tak!" Ryuk said at her. "Give me an apple!"

"Fine!" She said tossing him an apple.

"I am the Box Ghost! Beware!" The Box Ghost said.

"Okay…." Tak said a little creeped out.

"Whoa ooh oh!" Dib hummed again. "I'm going to find my purpose Tak!"

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Dib is going to find his purpose!" The Box Ghost and Ryuk said.

"Pur-pur-purpose! Yeah yeah yeah Tak!" Dib said hugging her. "I got to find me!"

"And now we must go!" Ryuk said.

"Beware!" The Box Ghost added.

Tak turned around sighed at this. Life had just never been the same since Dib moved in. She had a sneaking suspicion he liked her as well. Things just got weirder and weirder every day. "Is it just me or is Avenue Toon becoming more and more like a Broadway Musical?"

"Of the 1940's?" Deidara asked.

"Shut up Deidara you girl!" Tak yelled.

"I am not a girl!" Deidara yelled. "Go to hell all of you! It's not my fault you gender confused idiots don't know a guy when you see one!"

"Dude looks like a lady!" Zim sang to annoy Deidara. "Oh wait my filthy Earth porn is loaded!"

"Ewwwwwwww." Tak and Deidara sighed.

**A/N: I used characters from the show Histeria! in this chapter. The scene with the museum was too perfect for it. I have a link to an episode in my profile and if you want to know more just leave a note in the review and I will send you more information in the review reply. Thanks to all who read, big thanks to all who read and reviewed and the biggest thanks to those who faved, you know who you are. I will work on some of my other chapters for my other stories and rest assured that I will update as soon as I can get figure out how to work the lines. Any suggestions are welcomed and will be reviewed. So I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and if you read all the way through to the end and the author's note, you get a cookie. **


	5. Everyone's A Little Bit Racist

Only the idea for an Avenue Q parody is mine. Characters and the songs aren't. However if any of you out there want to write an Avenue Q parody of your own, feel free to do so. Just let me know if you are because I really want to see more Avenue Q parodies. Anyway, enough with the disclaimer on with the fic!

_Maybe I should ask about other people's purpose to help to try and find mine._ Dib thought as he sat on his bed and sighed. _I have to find something to do with my life. I can't be like Tobi with no job and mooching off someone like he does with Deidara._ He got up, took a shower and got dressed. Once outside his apartment he grabbed a paper and tried to find a job.

"Tobi, I'm heading to work! Don't play with my diary and post it all over the internet again!" Deidara yelled to Tobi.

"But sempai, I wanted to let more people know how wonderful you are." Tobi cried.

"Well you could have done it some other way." Deidara said. He walked outside and saw Dib there. "Oh. Good day Dib unn. Good luck with finding your purpose."

"Thanks Deidara." Dib smiled.

"Well thanks for not calling me a girl unnn. You were the only one who didn't."Deidara said.

"Well I learned you weren't a girl when you threatened to kill Zim for calling you one." Dib said earnestly. As he said this Deidara just scowled.

"Let me guess you thought like everyone else and looked at me and thought I was a girl. Do you know how tiring it gets? Every time someone sees me their first reaction is that I am a girl. Everybody calls me a girl. I am a guy you know." Deidara said as he rummaged in his briefcase.

"I know that." Dib said. "You said so and I am sort of inclined to believe you."

"Well I thank you for not saying anything about it. I guess the fact you didn't say it aloud means you may have thought that I was a guy possibly. Tis the sad fate I must face I guess."

"You have had a lot of experience in that matter if you can analyze people's rationale accurately like that. I was thinking precisely how you described it to be on the matter of your gender." Dib said astonished and a little sorry for Deidara. Sure he had a big head everyone made fun of but it was nothing like having people confuse your gender.

"You have no idea Big Head." Deidara said as he walked out of the apartment complex.

"Bye Deidara!" Danny Fenton yelled as he started to gather his tools. He had never expected in his entire career as Danny Phantom that he would end up fixing toilets, changing light bulbs and fixing Zim's internet connection when it broke so he could keep looking at porn. At least Zim tipped Danny handsomely when he did fix it. This time Tobi and Deidara had gotten into a fight and Deidara had accidently blown up the toilet, luckily for them there wasn't too much damage done and could be fixed 

easily enough rather than having to buy a new toilet altogether and charging Deidara for the replacement and installation rather than just fixing it. He knew that Deidara would be relieved that he wouldn't have to buy another one yet again.

"Oh hi Danny! How are you today?" Dib asked congenially.

"Oh, I'm okay. Just fixing Tobi and Deidara's toilet again. I swear they need some anger management," Danny sighed as he dug for a flusher and new wax seal. "Never thought I would end up fixing toilets on Avenue Toon." He picked up the parts and his tool box and headed up the stairs to where Tobi was standing.

"Danny-sempai hurry! I have to go potty really really badly!" Tobi said dancing around like a young child.

"I'm coming Tobi don't worry." Danny yelled.

"Can you fix Deidara-sempai and mine's potty soon?" Tobi cried.

"Go ahead and use mine Tobi, my apartment's unlocked." Dib said.

"Thank you Dib-senpai!" Tobi said running off.

"He calls everyone sempai." Danny said explaining some of Tobi's antics.

"Well what's the matter?" Dib asked

"Well I fear I already served my purpose. Either that or my purpose is to fix toilets. I used to be someone everyone loved. Girls swooned and children cheered for me. Now, I have to take care of an apartment complex with an angry she-male, a retard and a perverted alien living in it."

"I'm sorry." Dib said earnestly.

"It's not your fault. These things just happen in life. And you have to accept the things you cannot avoid, at least for now." Danny said as he hoisted the tools and left.

_Geesh I don't want to end p like Danny _Dib thought as a familiar smile walked by. He perked up at the sight of Tak and he walked over to her hoping to get a chance to talk to her. Plucking up the nerve to strike up a conversation he yelled over to her,"Hey Tak!"

"Dib!" Tak yelled with a slight delighted surprise. "It's you, how are you?"

"Fine now that I've seen you." Dib smiled at her. "So what do you do for a job now?" _ Stupid! That isn't a good thing to talk about to her! Geesh no wonder you didn't get a date! _

"Oh. No one told you. I am a kindergarten teaching assistant under Miss Bitters. Yeah she teaches kindergarten now like I said. It can be a nightmare working under her." Tak said modestly.

"That sucks. Making 5 year olds feel doomed? Wow." Dib sighed as he looked at Tak's beauty.

"I know." Tak sighed. "Well it's a step in achieving my dream."

"Destroying Zim?" Dib asked.

"That's a different one. Anyway I want to open my own school, just for aliens. Little aliens so they can become part of a universal community and help Earth to join that community. We aliens are smarter than you humans give us credit for." Tak said in a rather flirtatious way.

"And prettier too…."Dib whispered to himself.

"What did you say?" Tak asked with a curious look on her face.

"Oh nothing." Dib said brushing it off. "Well, say Tak can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." Tak nodded.

"Well you know Zim upstairs…."

"Yeah…." Tak growled.

"Well he's Invader Zim and you're Invader Tak." Dib said.

"Yeah." Tak said agreeing

"You're both Invaders."

"Yeah."

"Are you two related?" Dib asked curious yet a little naïve. They had similar names and that gave Dib a little idea of their possible relation.

Tak's eyes widened at the revulsion of the idea someone thought her related to Zim. "What?! Dib I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!"

"Well I'm sorry I was just asking." Dib pleaded trying to soothe Tak's rage. He knew what she was capable of when she was angered and he did not want to feel her known wrath.

A vein in Tak's forehead pulsed in rage and annoyance. "Well it's a touchy subject. No, not all invaders are related! What are you trying to say huh? That we all look the same to you?" Tak was in her human disguise at the moment and this really pronounced the difference between the two and Tak despised the fact that she was the same race as Zim. She was much better and any comparisons made on them drove her nuts. "Huh? Huh? Huh?"

"No, no, no not at all. I'm sorry I guess that was a little bit racist." Dib apologized sincerely.

"I should say so. You should be much more careful when you are talking about the sensitive subject of race." Tak said smugly at Dib.

"Well look who's talking!" Dib yelled back at her.

"What do you mean?" Tak asked.

"What about that special alien school you told me about?" Dib smirked.

"What about it?" Tak asked curiously. She knew he might be onto something but wasn't too sure of it. Dib was always smart if not a little naïve at times. Maybe he knew something she didn't for once.

"Well could someone like me go there? Could a human go there I mean." Dib smirked back.

"No. We don't want people like you there. It is an alien school stupid not a human school." Tak said.

"You see? You're a little bit racist!" Dib said

"Well you're a little bit too." Tak said back trying to defend herself.

"I guess we're both a little bit racist." Dib sighed

"Yeah admitting it is not an easy thing to do." Tak said looking at her foot that made a circle in the ground.

"Well I guess it's true…" Dib started

"Between you and me I think everyone's a little bit racist sometimes. But it doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes!" Tak said looking at Dib pensively. "You can look around and you'll find that no one in this world is really colorblind."

"Yeah." Dib nodded. "Maybe it's a fact we all should face that everyone makes judgments based on race. And they aren't big judgments like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from."

"Nope Dib" Tak said

"No they're little judgments like thinking that kids in those cereal commercials should give that rabbit the goddamn cereal!" Dib yelled in annoyance.

"Right!" Tak agreed. "Everyone's a little bit racist today."

"So everyone's a little bit racist, okay. Ethnic jokes may be uncouth but you laugh because they are based on a little truth." Dib noted as he looked at the people walking by. "You shouldn't take them as personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them so relax."

They didn't say anything for awhile until Dib recalled a joke he had heard in a Broadway show. "Alright stop me if you heard this one."

"Okay." Tak agreed.

"There's a plane going down and they're only one parachute and there's a Vortian, a Spectral Bounty Hunter and a-"

"A Haffa!" Tak finished.

"Whatcha talking about Tak?" Danny yelled in offence that caused Tak to become quiet with the guilt of being judged. "You were telling a haffa joke weren't you?!"

"Well sure Danny but a lot of people tell haffa jokes." Dib said plainly not caring about Danny because it was just a joke no one should get all riled up about.

"I don't." Danny said smugly.

"Well of course you don't you're a haffa." Dib sighed rolling his eyes. "But I bet you tell Poke trainer jokes right?"

"Of course I do! Those stupid Poke trainers!" Danny said laughing.

"Don'tcha think that's a little bit racist." Dib asked smugly

"Well damn I guess you're right." Danny said taken aback and thinking about the truth in Dib's statement.

"You're a little bit racist." Tak teased.

"Well you're a little bit too." Danny said back.

"We're all a little bit racist." Dib said.

"I think that I would have to agree with you." Danny sighed at that. _Take away my pride, not like it wasn't already._

"We're glad you do!" Tak and Dib said together.

"It's sad but true." Danny shrugged. "Everyone's a little bit racist. Alright."

"Alright." Tak nodded.

"Alright." Dib agreed.

"Alright!" Danny said again. "Bigotry has never been exclusively human. If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, even though we all know it's wrong, and then maybe it could help us get along." Danny added with a little pride.

"Menos I feel good." Dib sighed.

"Now there was a fine upstanding haffa." Danny smirked.

"Who?" Dib asked.

"Menos Grande." Danny said correcting Dib.

"But Danny, Menos was a ghost." Tak said sweetly.

"No, Menos was a haffa." Danny said

"No Menos was a ghost." Tak said sternly back.

"No. I'm pretty sure Menos was a haffa." Danny said starting to threaten Tak. Dib ran over in a panic to try and calm them down.

"Guys, Menos was a Hollow!" Dib said breaking it up and causing everyone to laugh. At this time Itachi was getting ready to try and find a new job somewhere as to not face the wrath of his beloved fiancé Gaz when he heard the laughter. Gaz was cleaning their apartment and sorting the recyclables with Itachi helping her until he had to leave. As he looked outside to investigate the laughter he saw Tak, Dib and Danny being the ones to cause it. Itachi looked at his watch and went downstairs.

"My Gaz darling, I must be leaving." Itachi said plainly but Gaz knew that he said it with love. Once downstairs he saw everyone laughing still. "Hey guys what are you laughing at?"

"Racism!" Danny laughed.

"Cool!" Itachi said. Even though he said it normally everyone could tell he was happy.

"Itachi! You come back here and take out our recyclables." Gaz yelled monotonously and a little garbled.

"What's that mean?" Dib asked. After their falling out after he graduated they never spoke and could hardly tell each other's voices anymore.

"Uhhhh… Recyclables." Itachi said confused at everyone's confusion on what Gaz said and laughing at her voice.

"Hey come off it! How many languages do you speak? She just learned Japanese for me before we get married!" Itachi yelled indignant at everyone.

"Oh come off it Itachi! Everyone's a little bit racist." Tak smiled.

"I'm not." Itachi said simply.

"Nope?" Dib asked.

"Nope." Itachi said simply. "How many Nicktoon wives have you got?" Itachi added smugly.

"WHAT? ITACHI!" Gaz yelled running out there and punching Itachi in the face.

Dib walked over smiling at Itachi's foolishness he knew all too well how to avoid. "Itachi-san, where've you been? The term is Vasquezien!"

Gaz was more apologetic now and kissed the bruise she gave Itachi saying, "I know you are not intending to be, but calling me a Nicktoon is offensive to me!"

"I'm sorry honey, I love you." Itachi apologized kissing her.

"And I love you." Gaz said kissing him back.

"But you're racist too." Itachi added.

"Yes. I know." Gaz said. "Disneys have all the money and Bikini Bottomfeeders have all the power and I'm always stuck in a taxi cab with dung beetles who don't shower." Gaz scowled.

"Me too!" Dib said.

"Me too!" Tak added.

"I can't even get a Taxi!" Danny complained.

"Everyone's a little bit racist it's true. But everyone is just about as racist as you." Dib said.

"If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit and everyone stopped being so P.C., maybe we could live in harmony." Itachi stated.

"Everyone is a little bit racist Itachi-kun." Gaz added to finish the conversation off. "Now my love, the recyclables?"

"Yes dear." Itachi said with a bow.

"Kerpow." Dib smirked making a whipping noise and motion which unfortunate for him Itachi heard. "You're a whipped pup."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Itachi asked looking over at Dib.

"Now you've done it!" Tak and Danny yelled running off with fear.

"What?" Dib asked.

"You pissed off Itachi Uchiha!" Danny whimpered while Itachi walked closer to Dib.

"You know what he did to his clan right?" Tak said.

"Wha…uh oh…hee hee….sorry…." Dib gulped. "I'm sorry!" But Itachi would not accept his apology. First he used a fireball Jutsu and started to use his Mangekyou Sharingan when Gaz came over and calmed Itachi down.

"Relax; it's not worth your time." Gaz said.

"You're right." Itachi said as he and Gaz left leaving Dib alone.

**A/N: Whooo! Long chapter here. Any offence I'm sorry. Next chapter is the popular "The Internet is for Porn" one! I will update as soon as I can. Do not fear readers I will be here. I will update as soon as I can. Never fear.**


	6. The Internet is for Porn

I don't own the characters or Avenue Q for that matter. Now this is the chapter I know a lot if not all of you have been waiting for The Internet is for Porn! This chapter introduces the parody's Bad Idea Bears played by Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda. I found the scene they come in the actual production so I used it here. It is on YouTube look up Avenue Q and Bad Idea Bears. Enough with what you now know, on with the fic.

"Oh Dib geesh. I thought you knew better than to make Itachi Uchiha mad. He's an ANBU version of your sister." Tak sighed bandaging some of Dib's wounds and getting some cold compresses for his eyes. "I'll go get some more ice." She rolled her eyes and got up and walked into Dib's kitchen and got more ice.

There was a knock on the door so Tak went to answer it and found Tobi dancing like a young child who needed to use the restroom. "Oh! Hi Tak-senpai!"

"Hi Tobi! What do you want?" Tak asked.

"Can I use Dibe-senpai's potty?" Tobi asked.

"It's alright Tak! He can, I have no problem with it!" Dib yelled from his bedroom knowing what Tobi needed. He couldn't help but smile at him. Tobi may be an annoying idiot but he was a loveable idiot and Dib couldn't stay mad at him for long. Tobi was just easy to like, unless you lived with him apparently.

"Oh thank you thank you thank you! Tobi will be a good boy in there!" Tobi said. What he didn't know was that the toilet was fixed in his apartment much to Deidara's pleasure and displeasure. Pleasure because he didn't have to ask a neighbor to use theirs; displeasure because he had to pay Danny 75 dollars.

"Geesh Tobi you idiot, our toilet is fixed now!" Deidara yelled coming after Tobi._ I can't believe I am living with that dolt_. As he was looking for Tobi he walked by Dib and sighed. "I'm sorry to hear what happened but I don't feel bad for you unn. It was your own fault."

"I know Deidara." Dib sighed angered.

"Well you did ask for it." Deidara said smugly walking out. Everyone who had come to visit Dib was heading out and wishing him well and to get better soon and to talk whenever he wanted to. Ever since he moved in he started to make more friends and find it didn't suck to be him as much when they were there with him. He went to sleep and got up the next day with the sun shining in his face. Stretching he got up and took a shower and got a cup of coffee. It was a Sunday so Dib knew that he would be able to get a newspaper that had more help wanted ads in it than during the week. Currently he worked at a Krazy Taco to pay his bills but occasionally his father would give him some money to help out with expenses that he couldn't quite meet himself. Recently he loaned Dib some money to move in on.

Dib was alone outside when 2 blue fairies came up to him. One looked rather proper, like an English gentleman and the other one looked like a yokel girl with a sandwich in her feet "Wait a minute, I feel like it is right on the corner of my mind." Dib started to say. "My purpose…its…it's….."

"Cheerio Dib!" Anti-Cosmo said.

"It's us….." Anti-Wanda smiled.

"And who exactly are you?" Dib asked with a raised eyebrow.

"We're the Bad Idea Anti-Fairies!" Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda said.

"I'm Anti-Cosmo and this is my wife the Anti-Wanda." Anti-Cosmo said introducing themselves better.

"Howdy y'all!" Anti-Wanda said. "We're your friends. Where's ya alls been going Mr. Fancy Big Head?"

"My head's not big!" Dib yelled at Anti-Wanda "Anyway I'm looking for a better job while I find my purpose." Dib said turning around not caring about them at first.

"Wait your father is Professor Membrane right?" Anti-Cosmo asked curiously. If he could get Dib to realize the amount of money he had access to this was going to be fun for him to talk Dib into numerous bad ideas.

"Yeah he is." Dib said. "What about him?"

"You've got plenty of money my friend!" Anti-Wanda smiled. "You need to do something for you. Buy some beer!"

"Yeah chap, buy some beer." Anti-Cosmo said sipping some tea.

"I hate to disappoint you guys but I really shouldn't be spending my father's money on beer." Dib said slowly giving into their bad idea powers.

"Oh. Okay…I…understand…perfectly…I...guess…" Anti-Cosmo said starting to make himself cry.

"It makes Lil ol' me sad to think about you not having any fun partner." Anti-Wanda said as she started to sob as well.

"I'm gonna bloody cry!" Anti-Cosmo blurted out.

"Gosh I'm sad. Some days I wish I was dead." Anti-Wanda pouted trying to trick Dib into their bad ideas She and Anti-Cosmo started to both cry and Dib, feeling pity, turned back to try and cheer them up.

"You know maybe I could afford maybe something like a 6 pack……" Dib said trying to cheer them up but not make too bad of an idea.

"YEAY!!" They both smiled and flew around in happiness. "You should buy a case." Anti-Wanda added while Anti-Cosmo nodded in agreement

"No, no I really can't get a case." Dib said firmly yet carefully as to avoid upsetting them again.

"But you're on a budget sonny." Anti-Cosmo said. "You'll be wasting money in the long run if you don't buy in bulk."

"You're right guys." Dib said after he did some calculations in his mind. "I should get a case."

"Yeay! See you around Dib!" They yelled waving at him.

"See you around. Good to know there are some of my new friends with my best interests at heart." Dib said to himself.

Tak was in her apartment overhearing the conversation. She was getting what she needed together for her job the next day teaching under Miss Bitters. It was very stressful but it had to be done before she could become a teacher in her own right. _Dib needs some help that's true but not anti-fairy help. _She thought as she packed some books and graded work into her bag and set it on the kitchen table to work on it some more later in the day. She planned on trying to talk to Dib again but as she was going to head after him her phone rang.

"Hello?" She asked

"Hello Tak. I am going for a heart transplant again tomorrow. So I need you to teach the lesson." Miss Bitters said.

"Oh yes Miss Bitters! What should I teach it on?" Tak asked holding back a smile, the one thing Miss Bitters hated the most.

"Who cares, just do it!" Miss Bitters said hanging up. Tak then went outside in her euphoria.

"Finally!" Tak cheered. "I get to teach a whole lesson all by myself. And I'm going to teach something relevant, something modern- "Tak paused for a second to think. "-The Internet!"

She sat at the steps thinking, _How to present this to the kids. Maybe a little sing-song but here goes. Also they say singing helps you to remember stuff. _She thought a little more and started to rehearse the lesson a little to herself. "The internet is really really great." Tak said moving her finger to try and make things go well in her mind. Zim was hearing this song/lesson plan and felt that he had to put in his 2 cents.

"For porn!" he yelled out his window.

Tak sighed and looked away trying to pretend she hadn't heard Zim. "I got a fast connection so I don't have to wait."

"For porn!" Zim yelled again.

Tak gritted her teeth and kept going. "There's always some new site."

"For porn!" Zim yelled again.

Tak gritted her teeth some more. "It's like I'm surfing at the speed of light…."

"FOR PORN!" Zim yelled yet again.

"ZIM!" Tak yelled in a rage.

Ignoring Tak he began to sing and try and help Tak with her lesson, "The internet is for porn!"

"Zim!" Tak yelled with an exasperated sigh.

"The internet is for porn!" Zim kept singing

"What are you doing?" Tak yelled throwing a Buzz cola can ready to throw at him. Losing her nerve she threw it at him hitting his head. Zim did not notice it and kept singing his song.

"Why do you think the Earth internet was born? Porn, porn, porn!" Zim sang not caring about Tak's rage at all.

"Zim!" Tak said.

"I am Zim!" Zim yelled then looked down at Tak, "Oh Hello Tak!"

"You are ruining my song." Tak said plainly.

"Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to." Zim said back with an innocent smile.

"Well if you wouldn't mind please being quiet for a minute so I can finish?" Tak asked with a sigh and tapping her foot at him.

"Okey-dokey!" Zim said.

"Good." Tak smiled as she tapped her foot and spun her hand around in an effort to once again gather her thoughts to keep going, "I'm glad we have this new technology."

"For porn! Ooops!" Zim yelled as he noticed Tak give him an evil glare.

"Which gives us untold opportunity…."

"For porn!" Zim yelled. "Ooops sorry." He apologized as Tak gave him yet another evil glare.

"…Right from your own desk top…."

"For p-"Zim started to yelled but bit his lip and covered his mouth to prevent Tak from killing him

Tak rolled her eyes and kept going, "You can research browse and shop…" Zim was going to say something but he bit his lip and put his fingers in his mouth again. "Until you've had enough and you're ready to stop!"

"For porn!" Zim yelled losing all control.

"Zim!" Tak yelled.

"The internet is for porn!" Zim started to sing.

"NO!" Tak screamed at him.

"The internet is for porn!" Zim kept singing not caring about anything at all.

"Zim!" Tak pleaded.

"Me up all night honking my horn to porn porn porn!" Zim said not caring at all anymore. He also didn't care that 3 school children were looking up at him and so was a network censor who was their chaperone.

"Now students do not pay attention to that. I'm going to find this Avenue's Super and let him know the city does not approve of aliens singing about how much they love porn!" Lydia Karaoke said barging into the apartment building looking for Danny.

"Okay….. But yeah she's right. That's gross! You're a pervert." Tak yelled.

"That's just sticks and stones Tak." Zim laughed manically.

"No really Zim you're a pervert. Normal people don't sit at home and look at porn on the internet." Tak said with a smirk that suggested she had Zim there.

"OOOOOOOOHHHHH!" Zim smiled.

"What?" Tak asked rubbing her temple.

"You have no idea! Ready normal people! Of which I am. I am normal!" Zim said looking around in panic even though most of the Avenue knew he was an alien.

"Ready!" Itachi yelled.

"Ready!" Danny then yelled

"Ready!" Deidara yelled.

"Lemme hear it you filthy earth monkeys!" Zim started.

"The internet is for porn!" They sang.

"Sorry Tak!" Dib said while the other guys continued the "Internet is for porn chant." "I masturbate!"

"All these guys unzip their flies for porn, porn, porn!" Zim yelled.

"The internet is not for porn! You guys are going to hold on a second!" Tak screamed.

"What?" Zim said annoyed.

"Now I happen to know for a fact that that you Deidara check your portfolio and trade pyrotechnic company stocks online."

"That's correct." Deidara nodded.

"And Itachi you buy things from Amazon dot com." Tak said pointing to Itachi.

"Sure." Itachi nodded.

"And Danny you keep selling your possessions on eBay" Tak stated.

"Yes I do!" he smiled.

"And Dib you sent me that sweet online birthday card." Tak said smiling over at Dib.

"True." Dib blushed back However with Zim this wasn't good enough; he was going to prove his point and make Dib look like a fool at the same time.

"Yeah but Tak what do you think he did after huh?" Zim smiled.

"Yeah….." Dib said looking away.

"EWWWWW!!" Tak said walking away.

"The internet is for porn!" Danny yelled.

"Gross!" Tak said to him.

"The internet is for porn." Deidara said simply.

"Grab your dick and double click for porn porn porn!" Zim yelled.

Tak turned away in anger, frustration and exasperation. "I hate men!"

"Porn!" Zim yelled again. "Porn, porn!"

"I'm leaving!" Tak said to a bunch of men who didn't care at all. "I hate the internet!"

"The internet is for porn foolish Tak!" Zim laughed at her.

Deidara smiled and walked over to Zim. "Yeah but I don't think you helped her lesson plan any." Deidara had fun but he felt bad for Tak when he saw her walk out.

"Who cares? Well the porn you look at, well no one would think that you were gay, they would just think you are a yaoi fangirl." Zim said falling on the ground laughing at Deidara. He knew exactly what kinds of porn each guy on the avenue liked and the most yaoi hits came from Deidara's computer.

"WHY YOU!! I am not a yaoi fangirl and I am not a girl you gender confused alien!" Deidara said throwing a clay bomb at him.

"Hey, I'm not the gender confused one, you are Deidara-chan." Zim teased.

"I'LL KILL YOU!!" Deidara yelled chasing after Zim.

"Hi senpai!" Tobi said as he noticed him running after Zim. Deidara ignored Tobi who said to him after Deidara passed, "Bye senpai!"

**Well this is the chapter I know you have been waiting for and here it is. Hope you liked it. Just pure hilarity here folks! Well I'm taking a slight break from Avenue Toon for a while to update some of my more neglected fics, first job finishing A Promise Well Kept. Then I will work on some others mainly We Don't Always See Eye to Eye Tak's Deadly Return, Minutes to Midnight and DIB: Dib in Black. Never fear though I will update with the next chapter "Mix Tape."**


	7. Mix Tape

**Here it is, resurrected from the dead, Avenue Toon! I apologize to all of you who had to wait forever for this update and I hope to God, I never do that again! As you all know, I do not own either the characters nor do I own Avenue Q. This next one is from the song "Mix Tape" so hopefully it will be as good as some of the others. Anyway, enough with this A/N, on with the fic!**

Tak was sitting on her chair in her living room trying to think of how her lesson was going to go. It had to be good, had to be so well that it would blow Miss Bitters away and change her outlook on aliens. (Although there were times that Tak could have SWORN that Miss Bitters _was_ an alien in denial.) Unfortunately for her, Zim's burst of song confession of how much he loved porn kept running through her head. Part of her was still certain to use the idea of the internet as her lesson, mainly because anytime she went online, she saw young girls who would cuss people out for not liking the same things as they did, very badly in fact. Tak was thinking of trying to dispel the "This isn't English class, it's the internet" notion.

"Okay, on proper internet behavior…" Tak sighed as she looked to the wall. She was trying to figure out how to make it interesting to a bunch of kindergarteners and so it would sink in to them. She tapped her pen against her desk trying to come up with _something_ or anything that would make her planned lesson of the internet. Suddenly a picture of Zim looking at porn came into her mind. She suddenly threw her pen down and went to get a drink of Buzz Cola. "I need to think of something besides Zim looking at porn on the internet…" Tak said as she looked at her computer. _Maybe if I use the internet some more, I can find something to teach about it…_ As soon as she logged on however, she drew a blank. "I'll check my email, maybe I will get some ideas there." Little did Tak know that this would be a futile attempt.

As soon as she logged on, she saw who was on and who sent her what. "Okay, the first one is an email chain mail, well chain fail, from Tobi. 'Pass this on to 10 friends or something bad is going to happen to you'… Foolish gullible Tobi. Next one is an email greeting card from Dib. That's real sweet. 'I am going to give you a special gift today Tak.' Awwwwwww that is sweet. Now the last one is from Zim, Oh Miyuki…" Tak knew it could not be good if it was sent from Zim and the subject was 'Pr0n' _Please do not be anything that has to do with Porn. I know from Zim, it could not possibly be about little shrimp. _"Well here goes nothing…" Tak said as she clicked it and pop-up ads for various porn sites came up. "**ZIM!" **Tak yelled.

"Hee hee hee... foolish Tak! You fell for my porn trick! Now you will pay with viruses!" Zim yelled.

"Joke's on you Zim! Dib put a program on here that will send the viruses back to you!" Tak yelled back.

"Do you mind? I am making something for people on this Avenue and I need quiet!" Dib yelled as he shut the door to his apartment and headed back to his CD/Cassette player and a few blank cassette tapes sitting around. He knew how it was to be the new guy in many a place and wanted to make sure he started out on the good books with everyone. Danny, Tobi and Tak liked him. Zim was one that didn't really care that much, he was too busy on his computer looking at porn. This was puzzlement to Dib, as he could not imagine ANYONE, human or not, that could enjoy THAT much porn. However, Itachi, Gaz and Deidara were ones who didn't like him at all. Deidara held it against him that Dib called him a girl when he first met him and Gaz and Itachi simply didn't like him at all. He looked through his CDs and thought of who the first tape was going to go to.

"What to do? I mean, who am I going to give these tapes to?" Dib said to himself looking at the blank tapes. He tapped his fingers, trying to come up with some idea of who would be the first of the lucky recipients of his handmade, unique and personalized Mix Tapes. He then looked towards his door and thought of the one person who he would want his approval…Tak. "I know! I will make one for Tak! She'll love it and I can show her how I really feel!" With this comment, Dib started to shuffle through his CDs and look for songs that could show just how he really felt for Tak.

(_Page Break back to Tak's apartment.)_

"Yeah Danny, I have some problems with the Avenue's network again." Tak sighed. "Yeah, I opened Zim's Pr0n bomb…" Tak then held her phone from her ear in annoyance. Danny was cussing her out because every time Zim left what was known as a "Pr0n" bomb, Danny had to go in and remove every virus and spam bomb he left in the Avenue's network. "Just get up here and fix it please! I am not paying good money to have to call the Teckie Nerds and pay even more good money when you know how to do it yourself! Now get up here!"

"Fine, Fine, I will fix it, seeing as I can tell you didn't know about Zim's Pr0n bomb, so I will fix it for you just once as long as you take me to a Nasty Burger for lunch. I am feeling hungry." Danny said as he got his tools together and headed to Tak's apartment. "I am going to have to go and fix it from your computer to remove all Pr0n bomb traces."

"Fine." Tak said. "And yes, Nasty Burger on me. I prefer McMeaties myself but hey, Super's choice today."

"Good." Danny smiled. "I'll be up there as soon as I can." With this, he hung up and headed to Tak's apartment to fix the problem. He walked up and knocked on her door.

"Hello?" Tak said as she opened the door. "Oh it's you Danny. Why do you need your tool belt?" She asked.

"Oh, it's a mental thing. If I have my tool belt, I can fix anything better." Danny said as he sat down at Tak's computer and began to type. "Also, I know how to fix these Pr0n bombs like no one's business. I made Zim tell me. You know, before you moved in, he used to do it all the time."

"Ah." Tak nodded.

Danny then kept typing and searching in the computer and network for a couple of more hours and sighed. _This is one of the worst Pr0n bombs ever. Yet, Zim did it the same as he always did. It's rather funny._ "Okay, we should be done here soon." Danny said as he did a little more typing. "I noticed you have a lot of emails from Dib."

"Hey!" Tak yelled. "Why did you go through my email?!!!!?"

"I only went through stuff sent to you and from you on the Avenue's network. So you know, the Pr0n bomb only affects the Avenue's internet and nowhere else." Danny said. "I think that that Dib guy has a thing for you."

"Oh… hee hee..." Tak blushed.

"Blush all you like Tak, but I think he does like you." Danny said as he did some final typing and closed out of the DOS programs to clean up the computer. "I am going to have a word with Zim again about these Pr0n bombs. I am going to have to charge him a little more for rent this month." He looked at Tak and then knew what she was going to ask him. "I'll do lunch tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay. Have a nice day." Tak said as she led Danny out of her apartment. As she shut the door she looked at her computer and then at the door, in the direction of Dib's apartment and sighed a dreamy sigh, "Ah, Dib."

Tak then held her hands over where her heart was and said to herself, "He likes me… I think he likes me.  
Does he 'like me' like me, like I like him? Will we be friends, or something more? I think he's interested,  
But I'm not sure." Tak sighed as she heard a knock on her door. "Come in!"

The door opened to reveal the one guy she was thinking about at the time. "Hiya Tak!" Dib smiled.

"Dib!" Tak said happily. "Hi!"

"Hi! Listen, I was going through my CDs yesterday, and I kept coming across songs I thought you'd like, so I made you this tape." Dib said as he held out the cassette case and put it in Tak's hand.

Tak smiled and felt like tearing up in joy from the thoughtfulness of the gift. "Oh, that's so sweet!  
Can I get you a drink? Or a snack?" She said, trying to be as giving and thoughtful to Dib as he was to her.

Dib started to dance up and down, grabbing his pants. "Actually, do you mind if I use your bathroom?"

"No, go right ahead." Tak said.

"Oh thank God!" Dib said as he ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! I should not have had that old Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bueno!"

Tak giggled at the misfortune of Dib but then turned back to the wall and smiling. "A mix tape.  
He made a mix tape. He was thinking of me, which shows he cares! Sometimes when someone  
has a crush on you, they'll make you a mix tape to give you a clue. Let's see..." Tak said as she looked at the handwritten songs on the cassette's case. _"You've Got A Friend" "The Theme from 'Friends'"  
"That's What Friends Are For" _**Shit!**" Tak said as she stomped her foot down on the ground. She then moved her hand and read on. "Oh, but look!"_A Whole New World" "Kiss the Girl" "My Cherie Amour"" _Tak smiled and jumped for joy. "Oh, Dib! He does like me! _"I Am the Walrus" "Fat Bottomed Girls"  
"Yellow Submarine"" _She read the last three titles with a little curiosity. "What does this mean?"

Soon afterwards, a flushing sound was heard as Dib washed his hands and headed out, a little embarrassed at what he did. "Hey Tak, you might want to not go in there for a while." Dib said blushing, ashamed to admit what he just did.

"Dib, thank you for this tape. I was just looking at side A. Great songs! All of them." Tak said.

"Well, Tak, did you get to side B yet?" Dib asked.

"No, not yet." Tak said.

"Well, check it out!" Dib said flipping the tape over.

"Yeah?" Tak asked.

"Yeah, right here." Dib said.

""_Stuck On You"_" Tak read.

"_"Love Me Do"_" Dib read as he put his hand on Tak's shoulder.

""_My Heart Will Go On"_" Tak read with great excitement. "I loved Titanic!" Tak said with a big grin, hugging Dib.

"Uhh… it was alright…" Dib said, not wanting to admit he never saw, nor did he ever want to see Titanic. "Look here" He said as he pointed to some more of the songs. ""_She's Got A Way"" _

""_Yesterday"" _Tak read after Dib did.

""_Goodnight Saigon!"" _ Dib read. "You know, it's the version from the Russia concert."

"Oh great…" Tak said as she did not want to admit to Dib that she didn't like that version. She kept reading. ""_Through The Years""_

""_The Theme from 'Cheers'"" _Dib read.

""_Moving Right Along"_" Tak said and then turned and looked at Dib. "Nice tape."

"Oh well there's one more," Dib said as he moved Tak's finger. _""I Have To Say I Love You in a Song""_

Tak started to cry tears of joy. "Dib, this is so sweet. I have never gotten such a nice present from a guy."

"Awww." Dib said as he felt a warm feeling inside. "Well, I'm glad you like it. But, I have to go now. I'm going to make one for Itachi and Gaz and Danny and Tobi and Deidara and Zim and everyone!" Dib then hugged Tak and went for the door.

"Oh." Tak said, thinking she was the only recipient of the Mix Tapes.

Dib then turned around to face her. "Oh and uh…."

"Yes?" Tak asked nervously.

"What are you doing tonight Tak?" Dib asked putting his hand behind his back.

"Grading term papers," Tak said as she saw Dib's face fall. He associated 'Term paper' with long novel-like essays. "But it's kindergarten, so they're very short. Why?"

Dib got a little more hopeful. "Well, everyone's going to hear this singer at the Around The Clock Cafe. Do you want to go with me?"

"Like, a date?" Tak asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Sure, a date!" Dib smiled. "It'll be a blast."

"I'd love to come!" Tak accepted.

"Okay! Well, I'll see you then." Dib said hugging Tak and walking out.

"Okay." Tak waved.

"Okay, bye!" Dib said as he closed the door.

"Bye!" Tak waved as she lay back against the door with a dreamy gaze. "He likes me!" Tak said as she put the tape in her player and began to play it and look at her closet for what to wear.

**Well how was that? Once again, huge apologies for the late (Year long) update. So much has happened; I can't begin to explain here. So remember to read (well you just did) and review. Ciao for now,**

**Otherrealmwriter**

**Aka**

**Realm**


	8. Itachi's Not Wearing UnderwearSpecial

**I do not own Avenue Q or the characters in this work okay? I figured I wouldn't be as bad on this next update which will introduce Juniper Lee in her role in this chapter. I hope you like it. I combine both "Not Wearing Underwear Today" and "Special" in this one because they both take place at the Around the Clock Café. Also let me know if I should do, "You Can Be As Loud As You Want (While Making Love)" Because of the rather higher rating on that one, I may skip it. Let me know what you think. Anyway, enough with this A/N, on with the fic!**

Dib looked at Tak with a smile on his face. She had agreed to come with him on a date and she wasn't just being nice and having him feel good about himself. Tak genuinely cared about him. Dib knew he was luckier than any other guy on Avenue Toon when it came to getting a date with Tak. "So, what's up with you today?" Dib asked blushingly.

"Oh nothing…" Tak blushed. She took her drink and stirred it with the straw. She was happy. For the longest while she spent the Around the Clock Café trips alone, laughing politely at Itachi's jokes. She knew he always had wanted to have a date to go on the weekends at the café.

"Okay…" Dib asked as he picked up his Buzz Cola and smiled. He was trying to be careful around Tak because he didn't want to screw up with her. Part of Dib knew that Tak may have been the one for him and he was not going to mess up. He wanted to be with her so much, it pained him at times to think of her with someone else. He loved her so much he didn't want to be without her. Dib blushed and looked around. He was new to the neighborhood so he wanted to know what everyone liked doing here. "So… why does everyone like coming here? I mean Danny told me that every Friday night; the whole group on Avenue Toon would come down here. Why?"

Tak took a sip of her tea and giggled. "Well… it was all Itachi and Gaz's idea. You see, The Around the Clock Café is where Itachi does his amateur comedy act." Dib looked at Tak puzzled. "Yeah I know, Itachi doesn't seem like the comedian type but he's trying to be one."

Dib looked from the empty stage back to Tak and back to the stage. There were red Akatsuki clouds all around the stage with a lone red microphone on the stand. Dib looked around and saw that Gaz was nowhere to be seen. He supposed that Gaz was prepping him up mentally for the show. "Ummm… when Itachi was in the Akatsuki, did he always want to be a comedian?" Dib asked as he looked into Tak's eyes.

"I don't know honestly." Tak took another sip of her iced tea. Tak swirled the straw as she pushed the lemon down further. "They moved into the Avenue a little after me. Gaz told me that the Akatsuki had disbanded a little before. She had just gotten her Master's Degrees and was thinking of setting up her own therapist practice. However, without Itachi's business in the Akatsuki, she could not get the capital to start it up. So she gets by." Tak said as she finished her tea.

"Allow me." Dib said as he went up to get a refill.

"Hey Dib!" The Anti-Wanda said in her backwoods accent.

"Yes Hello Mister Dib!" The Anti-Cosmo said.

"What do you want?" Dib whispered in annoyance.

"Why do is that lovely young lady with you?" The Anti-Cosmo sniggered.

"She's de purdiest darn aliens I seen en all my days!" The Anti-Wanda said as she poofed up a sandwich and began to eat it with her feet.

"Yeah." Dib said. He was starting to get annoyed.

"If I know the male instinct right, you'd like to do her." The Anti-Cosmo said forgoing his accent and formality and getting right to the point.

"What does it matter to you?" Dib yelled. His last suggestion from the Bad Idea Anti-Fairies was not one of the best in the world. Dib had to borrow money from Deidara to pay his phone bill. Now he was certain that they were going to mess with what he was planning to build with Tak.

"Well it would be horrible for you to go back to watching porn of Ino dancing again now would it? Why not get the real thing from Tak?" The Anti-Cosmo said patting Dib on the back.

"Well it is rather RUDE to approach a girl like that. Besides, I know she'd say no. She is not the type of girl to fuck the guy she only just started dating." Dib snapped back.

"Dib! Where's my tea?" Tak said annoyed yet politely.

"Coming my dear Tak!" Dib said as he walked up to the bar. "One iced tea please." He said.

"Oh that's no good!" The Anti-Wanda said. "Get her a Bud Light! Chicks dig light beer!"

"No." The Anti-Cosmo said. "Miss Tak wants some tea. Dib, get her lots of Long Island Iced Teas."

"Tak does not want Long Island Iced Teas." Dib said firmly. Dib was getting annoyed. Sure he wanted to have sex with Tak one day but that was at one day in the future. He did not want to do it now, but later. Only when they were serious would he venture that far. He was not going to lose everything by having sex with Tak too soon. That was the same thing he had done with Gretchen and ruined it with her. He was not about to make the same mistake with Tak.

"Well, Tak will be pleased by your thoughtfulness and if you show up with one too, she'll like that." The Anti-Cosmo said.

"Yeah…" Dib said showing the one point the Bad Idea Anti-Fairies were going to use and exploit to get what they wanted.

"So why not get two for you guys and then if she wants more, you can get some more for her. This is free refill night." The Anti-Wanda said.

"Well okay. But I will not get her so drunk she'll do me!" Dib said.

"Okay." The Anti-Cosmo said giggling as Dib went over to the table with two Long Island Iced Teas. One was for him and the other for Tak. He knew what was going to happen when things really got going, what would happen and knew he was pretty much doing Eris's job for her. Dib then heard a door open up and saw Gaz sit down at a table in the corner of the room.

"Itachi must be ready." Tak said as she sipped her Long Island Iced Tea not noticing it or not caring what it was. Itachi came out and tapped the microphone.

"Okay." He said as he looked around. "Who here likes jokes?" Itachi tapped his head. "Okay why did the shuriken fly across the road?"

"Because it was thrown!" Gaz yelled.

"Okay…"Itachi looked around trying to think of another joke. "You hear about the mass murderer killing black and white chickens? His name is Jeffery Dahmer."

"BOO!" Deidara said while Tobi who was sitting beside him was laughing as if it was the funniest thing in the world, a play on words with a breed of chicken. "Calm down Tobi!" Deidara sighed.

"OH GOD SEMPAI!" Tobi laughed banging his hand on the table, spilling Deidara's wine cooler. "I LOVE CHICKEN JOKES!"

"ME TOO!" Ed, who was at another table with DD and Eddy, laughed. All three of them came for unlimited refills, "CHICKEN JOKES ARE THE BEST!"

"Calm down Ed!" Eddy said as he picked up his drink as well.

"Okay…" Itachi said as he looked around at the crowd. _Okay… most of the crowd seems to be mentally challenged the ones who like my jokes. The others… they don't see to be finding them all so funny. Well June is motioning to me that she's ready for her show, so I'll cut it off here._ "Well time for my big finale!" Itachi then took the microphone and smiled. He then began to sing.

"Oh god…" Gaz said as she put her hand in her face.

"_**I'm not wearing underwear today! No, I'm not wearing underwear today! Not that you prob'ly care much about my underwear still nonetheless I gotta say that I'm not wearing underwear to-daaaay!"**_Itachi sang as he looked over the crowd.

"**Get a job!"** Gaz yelled.

Itachi blushed and looked away. "Thank you…honey…"

It was deathly quiet in there. A couple of girls who looked like they were about ready to jump Itachi and maybe do something he only wanted to do with Gaz. Itachi motioned to Gaz to go ahead because he knew she was going to beat them up for even looking at Itachi as nothing more than a below average comedian on the stage. Gaz turned around and pounding her hands in her fist and went to the fangirls, and began to unleash her rage on girls who were not supposed to look at her beloved Itachi they way she did. Soon the sound of Gaz's fury on the girls was heard all around the café.

"Can you get me another one of those drinks you got me?" Tak said getting a little tipsy.

"Okay…" Dib said. _Maybe she has had enough. She still has a lesson to finish you know…_

"Nonsense my boy, your date has only begun to have her fill of drinks!" The Bad Idea Anti-Cosmo said patting Dib on the back. "You want to awaken next to that lovely young lass don't you?"

"Yes…" Dib whimpered.

"Then be a good gentleman and fulfill her request." The Bad Idea Anti-Cosmo said.

"Okay…" Dib sighed as the bartender made him yet another Long Island Iced Tea. "Here goes nothing."

Itachi looked from the stage to where Tak was laughing without any reason and where Dib was giving her another drink. He was wondering if it was her idea or his on giving her so many drinks. Moe, the manager gave Itachi the announcement card and he began to read it. "So, here's the woman you all came to see. The Around the Clock is proud to present, fresh from her world tour, headlining in Amsterdam, Bangkok and Celebration, Florida, Please give a warm hand to the star of "Toon Girls Gone Wild parts two, five and seven- June the Slut!"

Just then big band style music began to play and a girl with long black hair with a pink streak in it wearing a green top with a pink dragonfly on it with a pink and green faux-feather boa and a short jean skirt with pink fishnets and black high heel strapped shoes. June then took the microphone and began to sing in a rather seductive way as a guy with a piano came out and she climbed out on top of it.

"_I can make you feel _

_Speciaaaaaal_

_When it sucks to be you_

_Let me make you feel_

_Speciaaaaal_

_For an hour or two" _June sang as all the men looked on as if she was Eve to their Adam. Even Deidara, who was thought to be in the closet for the longest time was looking up at June with amazement. Gaz was busy tending to the fangirls who were going after her fiancée and Tak looked on rather disgusted. Here she was, a mere teaching assistant who was living on one of the cheaper Avenues in the Toon City and June was taking world tours. Tak clenched her fists in rage. What was making Tak even angrier was that Dib was starting to look more interested in her than Tak.

"_You're life's a routine_

_That repeats each day_

_No one cares who you are_

_Or what you say_

_And sometimes you feel_

_Like you're nobody_

_But you can feel like _

_Somebody with me"_ June had then stepped off the piano that Butters was playing for her and gotten down and headed around the tables at the café, making some rather alluring movements as she was singing. June had gotten to where Dib was sitting and gotten real close to him. Dib looked down and saw her chest and was amazed.

"Oh yeah shake it baby, shake it!" Danny said as she danced along the stage.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH What a wonderful Earth female. Maybe I can talk to some of my investors with her?" Zim said as he rubbed his hands together scheming.

"Wow" Dib said looking down at June as if she was Venus herself. Dib couldn't help himself. His body wanted her body and his mind was taking over. His chest heaved and his brows sweat.

"Yeah. They're real." June said kissing Dib on the cheek causing Tak to steam with rage. She downed the rest of her Long Island Iced Tea in fury and walked out to the bathroom.

"I knew it!" Zim yelled as Tak walked into the bathroom. "I can tell those kinds of things from a mile away!"

"Goddamn those men and how they think!" Tak said as she went tint the restroom. As soon as the women's room door closed, June began her song again.

"_When we're together_

_The Earth will shake_

_And the stars will fall_

_Into the sea_

_So come on, baby_

_Let down your guard_

_When your date's in_

_The Bathroom,_

_I'll slip you my card." _June was now paying a lot of attention to Dib. She knew he was really interested in her and knew she may be able to use this and get a lot of money out of him and spend a lot of time with him. If she was correct, she knew that he was related to the rich and famous Professor Membrane and she could get a lot of money out of him. June also thought of him as a little bit cute as well. She then slipped her card down his pants pocket and smiled.

"_I can tell just by looking _

_That you've got it hard_

_For me! For me!_

_For me! For me!_

_For me! For me!_" June sang with a deepness of her voice trying to project it all along the café like a smooth jazz singer. Dib blushed and looked away not wanting to admit what was going on. As he did, June went in ever closer on him.

"_I can tell just by looking_

_That you are especially _

_Hard for me!"_

"WHOOOOO!" Danny, Dib, Zim, Deidara and Tobi and many of the men and women who didn't care about what she was doing, but appreciated her singing.

Gaz was cheering because her singing was much better than Itachi's poor comedy act. It was a relief to hear something good after her fiancée did something so horrible that only the mentally challenged in the audience would appreciate it. Also, it helped to have jazz after she beat the fangirls up. Tak had come out of the bathroom and was angry at what she had seen with Dib and June. She walked up to the bar and sighed.

"One Long Island Iced Tea, a shot of Jack Daniels and a Fudd Beer." Tak said.

"Okay… you sure you can handle that entire booze young lady?" Kevin asked.

"Yes!" Tak said as she drank all of it down in disgust, trying to forget what was happening.


End file.
